Doesn’t matter.

This is another Drink Ink post and that means Maglight and I are drunk (not Jon, he’s into that Ben Franklin “early to bed, early to rise” responsibility shit).

Anyways, since I doubt the Red Tornado hits the sauce much, it seemed pretty obvious which heroes deserved to get a red drink with a yellow streak in it named after them: the Flashes. Jay, Barry, Wally, and Bart (especially Bart) all seem like they’d be totally down to drink boozy lemonade (even if their metabolisms would make them sober way, way too quickly, the poor dears).

“But what’s in it? Your throng of infatuated followers must know!” exclaimed the readers.

Cool your jets, Highballs and Cowgirls. Here you go.

One lemon zest-ish peel thing twisted to look like a spiral (er, ah, lightning bolt)! Some of that UV brand lemonade stuff! A dash of cherry grenadine (otherwise this looks like some girly-ass Atom Eve shit)! Drink!

Actually, this drink is kinda girly. But you know, girly drinks are also CRAZY high in alcohol by volume (Will Rikers of the world take note*). So, do what I did. Make it, get thrashed, do something stupid, show up late, and apologize to your wives (juuuust like Uncle Barry).

*High Five! Comics does not condone date rape or stupid beards.

I am drunk blogging, but it’s totally cool because I’m being supervised. I am blogging HARD.  Anything incriminating will so be backspaced. After much testing (such fucking awesome testing [Except for the part where the prototypes were undrinkable and made us want to vomit blood-M]), we’ve invented a drink awesome enough to be as awesome as it is. Awesome.

Hey, drink a damn Abin Sur. What? Yeah. So good, it came before Hal Jordan. And Hal Jordan had a blood alcohol content of, like, a billion (see: Emerald Dawn). What’s in it? Cool your jets, Highball, I’ll tell you.

STEP ONE: A shot of Midori melon whatever. Ask for Midori and whoever will show it to you and you can buy it.

STEP TWO:  Two shots of ginger ale. That shit is good. I drink it without booze and that says something.

STEP THREE: Like, a quarter tablespoon of Rose’s red grenadine something or other fuck it. Put it in a spoon. Get it close SO AS NOT TO FUCK UP SURFACE TENSION AND MAKE AN ORANGE PIECE OF SHIT LARFLEEZE ROBITUSSIN FUCK UP. Caps Lock: completely intentional. I’m that serious, you guys.

STEP FOUR: Grab a maraschino cherry and get it as close to the top of the drink as you can. And then get it CLOSER. Plunk it in there gently (GENTLY) and then look at it. Oh, man. You know what you’ve done?

You’ve made an Abin Sur. It will make you the most fucked up dude [or lady! - M] in Sector 2814. Right now. You will have to pass your keys whomever you deem worthy like a fucking Green Lantern deathbed ring (aaaaand relevance brings this to a close!). Do it!

[Also, I recommend drinking these after you've already been at it a while. They're kind of, um, sweet. You pretty much have to pound it. Maybe a real bartender could perfect this, but we're just mildly alcoholic comic nerds, what do you want from us? -M]

The Dr. Manhattan

Photo by Bobby Lin, theeatenpath.com

The Jon Osterman

Photo courtesy theeatenpath.com